Respond to the prompts below (one paragraph per prompt; each paragraph should be at least 5 sentences in length). At the top of your posts, include a title that is relevant to your content, creative, and in bold. Draw readers to your post with your title. Within your post, ensure that you use course terminology, demonstrate that you are synthesizing the assigned readings and videos, and use appropriate grammar, spelling, and citations.Paragraph 1: Select one direct quote from this chapter that you think is particularly interesting. Include the quote in your response (using quotation marks) and a proper in-text citation. Discuss why you think the quote is particularly interesting.Paragraph 2: Apply at least one aspect (e.g., concept, claim) of the reading to your own life. For example, how might a concept or claim from the reading help you better understand a specific previous experience, improve a particular relationship (e.g., with your partner or friend), or make you communicate differently in a certain context (e.g., with friends)? Please be specific, in-depth, insightful, and detailed. Paragraph 3: After reading this chapter, and the conversation below, answer the questions here: Andrea and her sister Ellie:Andrea: What are you working on?

Ellie: The book for French lit – I’m way behind.

Andrea: Can I talk with you for a few minutes?

Ellie: I’m really behind. Can it wait?

Andrea: I promise I’ll be quick.

Eillie: Fine. What?

Andrea: That’s part of it. The way you just said “what?” Like you’re already annoyed.

Ellie: I told you I’m busy. So yeah you’re annoying me.

Andrea: You’re so short with me lately.

Ellie: (trying to lighten the mood)) You’re my sister, you’re supposed to annoy me.

Andrea: But lately it’s been happening a lot. And sometimes get a little out of hand. Like the other night.

Ellie: What about the other night?

Andrea: You tried to throw your alarm clock at me, when we argued about whose turn it was to do the laundry.

Ellie: But I didn’t throw it

Andrea: because it was plugged in.

Ellie: What do you want me to say?

Andrea: I want to know why you’re so angry all the time?

Ellie: (angry and determined) Nothing? I had two exams the next day when you told me I had to do the laundry! What you call nothing is my education, my future. It’s not my fault that you’re too lazy or two much of a jerk to care about your classes or lift a finger around here!

Andrea: This is what I mean. You never used to call me names. You never used to yell. We would talk. I’m afraid to even try to talk to you. And sometimes, I’m sorry not to mention hurt – when I do try.

Ellie: I’m sorry. You’re the only person I have to vent to and sometimes I get a little carried away.

Andrea: More than a little. It seems like we never talk anymore.

Ellie: What are we doing now?

Andrea: Sarcasm doesn’t help. Ellie, I mean really talk – I think we need that. Your classes are a lot harder than mine this semester, it might make sense that you need to release stress.

Ellie: I assume you mean in some other way than throwing objects at your head.

Andrea: Well, yeah. But also in ways that will make you feel better.

Ellie: Yeah, I did feel bad about that the other night. I’m sorry.

Andrea: I am too for not being understanding about your schedule and stress. Maybe if we set aside a time each week to sit down and talk, we could avoid these fights.

Ellie: That makes sense. I do feel like I don’t know what’s going on with you anymore. Let’s plan a lunch date this week. Think about the different orientations demonstrated by Ellie and Andrea in this scenario. What kind of conflict orientation does Ellie demonstrate? What kind of conflict orientation does Andrea demonstrate? Support your answer.
Identify the responses to conflict that are present in this scenario? Do you see inclinations to exit, neglect, show loyalty, or voice conflict? What consequences result from the conflict responses used in this dialog?
Is meta communication used constructively or unproductively in this example?Paragraph 4: What conflict script did you learn in your family? Think back to your adolescence and try to remember rules for conflict that your family modeled implicitly and principles of conflict that your family explicitly endorsed. 1. Did people openly disagree with each other?2. What was said when disagreements surfaced 3. Did your parents suggest it was rude to argue? 4. Did they encourage open discussion of differences? Were there any “rules’ for how to argue? 5. What happened if disagreements were dealt with directly? Was the conflict resolved? What was the climate in the family like after the conflict? 6. How do you currently reflect your family’s conflict script? Now that you can edit family scripts and add your own, how would you like to deal with conflict? Paragraph 5: Respond thoughtfully to 2 classmates’ posts: 1st Peer’s post: “1.Assertation
My favorite part of this chapter is: “Assertiveness represents a balance between self-interest and empathy.” because this idea is very interesting because it challenges the traditional understanding of assertiveness. Often, people may understand assertiveness as a self-centered or selfish trait, associating it with strength and insensitivity. However, this passage presents a very different perspective. In this balance, an assertive person is able to express his or her own needs, thoughts, and feelings while also understanding and respecting the feelings and needs of others. This means that assertiveness is not a mere self-centeredness, but an ability to include others and respect them.

2.Win win situationThe practical concept I learned is Win-Win Problem Solving, which centers on the idea of finding a solution that benefits all parties involved, rather than only one party gaining while the other loses. When I deal with conflicts or disagreements with my friends in life, in order not to affect our friendship, I will first express my recognition of the degree of the other party, and express my views rationally, rather than arguing for the sake of arguing. So not only can I express myself reasonably, but I can also not hurt the friendship.This way, you not only communicate effectively but also preserve the integrity of your friendships, fostering win-win outcomes that benefit everyone involved. It’s a valuable skill that promotes harmonious relationships and strengthens bonds with those around you.

3.Paragraph.A In this scene, Ellie shows conflict tendencies of avoidance and aggression, while Andrea shows conflict tendencies of cooperation and problem solving. Ellie’s conflictual tendencies are reflected in her impatience and emotional reactions to Andrea and her shirking of responsibility. She tries to avoid and evade the problem by placing the blame on Andrea, and her responses are aggressive and emotional. In contrast, Andrea demonstrates a conflictual tendency to cooperate and solve problems. She attempted to have an honest dialog with Ellie, expressing her feelings and seeking solutions to the problem. She offers constructive suggestions in hopes of resolving the conflict through communication and understanding each other’s positions.

B In this scene, withdrawal and aggressive tendencies emerge. Ellie tries to avoid the problem while Andrea tries to solve the problem through communication and understanding. If they continue along their tendencies, this could lead to further conflict and undesirable consequences such as alienation or increased arguing.

C In this example, Andrea’s conflict response is more constructive in that she tries to solve problems and improve their relationship through dialog. Ellie’s conflict response, on the other hand, is more unproductive in that she tries to avoid the problem, puts the blame on Andrea, and displays aggressive and emotional behavior.

4.Apply to family
In my family, people usually express different opinions openly. We are encouraged to speak our minds and to respect the views of others . When disagreements arise, I usually try to express my ideas with respect and understanding and try to reach a consensus or solution. In my family, arguing is considered rude. We were taught to resolve disagreements with respect and understanding, rather than solving problems through arguing or conflict. My parents encouraged open discussion of disagreements and we had rules to ensure that discussions were constructive, such as respecting each other’s opinions, listening to each other, and avoiding accusations and offensive remarks. Dealing with disagreements directly usually leads to problem solving or consensus. Once the conflict is resolved, the family atmosphere usually becomes more relaxed and congenial. I currently reflect some of the conflict scripts I learned in my family, such as respecting and understanding the other person’s point of view and the tendency to try to find common ground and solutions. I would like to continue to respect and understand others’ perspectives, as well as be more open and tolerant of disagreements in order to resolve problems more effectively and maintain a good family atmosphere. I would also like to be more courageous in expressing my thoughts and needs, and to learn to listen to others and respect their positions.”2nd Peer’s post:”Cultural Expectations:
1) “Females are typically expected to be accommodating and males to be competitive.” According to chapter 8 there are gender differences. I thought this was particularly interesting because it states that woman’s genetics tend to be more nurturing and men naturally tend to be more competitive. I think it’s very important that it mentions that the cultural expectations for men and women to fit into these unrealistic standards can come with issues. Although there are genetic tendencies it’s important to note that we can not put people in a box. Not all men are competitive and men are capable of being nurturing and vice versa for women. I think this it’s good information to understand human communication but we must keep in mind the danger of a single story and stereotyping. Its good to note tendencies but we must also be sure to not cultivate unrealistic expectations and stereotypes. In my life…
A concept I’d like to apply in my life is choosing the most appropriate method of conflict resolution. Chapter 8 advises to be open to these 4 methods :

-Consider deferring to the other person.
-Consider compromising

-consider competing

-consider cooperating

I think this is very important to apply in daily life situations like consider deferring to the other person when you are wrong. Although this is difficult to do… when communicating effectively, it’s important to keep and open mind and acknowledge when you are in the wrong. I will try to do this if I get into any argument with my peers family or friends. I also really enjoyed how it said consider competing. This means that when the issue is too important and when the peer is open to listening, when it really matters you can stand up for what you believe to be right. I have a hard time with this and voicing my opinion when it matters but this text is more affirming and I will try to be more assertive when the other person is taking advantage of my non-competitiveness. Communication Check!
The conversation displays “problem orientation” in this conversation Andrea is addressing Ellie to solve the issue how they don’t talk like they used to. Andrea tries to voice her concerns and Ellie acts like dosn’t know what Andrea is talking about which is neglect. Ellie displays more passive aggressive conflict orientation Andrea displays more assertive behavior. Ellie is passive aggressive because she is subtly aggressive. She displays trivial tyrannizing behavior by doing small things to drive Andrea like calling Andrea names and throwing the alarm clock instead of directly addressing the actual problem. She also uses sarcasm that is not helpful to solving the problem like when Andrea is trying to say how they don’t communicate like they used to and Ellie says sarcastically “then what are we doing now”. Andrea is more Assertive because she clearly but kindly and respectfully tries to solve the problem between her and Ellie without name calling or aggressive behavior. It is clear that Andrea’s intent is for a “win-win” solution. Andrea uses meta communication constructively where Ellie is dismissive and unproductive with her attitude and responses in the beginning but then the communication becomes constructive towards the end and they find common ground and come up with a solution.
Learned conflictIn my family I avoided a lot of conflict and had learned non-assertive behavior. When disagreements surfaced with my parents the rule was don’t argue and the parent was always right. There were not many open discussions we just needed to accept what the parent said and “don’t talk back”. I do not agree with this type of conflict style. I feel like everyone has the right to respectfully voice their opinion. Because of growing up this way I struggle to voice anything at all really but I am getting better at being assertive in an effective and respectful way.”
Managing Conflict
in Interpersonal
Relationships
CHAPTER OUTLINE
8
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
Understanding Interpersonal Conflict 215
Communication Climates in Interpersonal Relationships 216
T
Confirming and Disconfirming Messages
T
How Communication Climates Develop
Explain the unavoidable but
potentially problematic role
of conflict in interpersonal
relationships.
Approaches to Conflict 222
T
Styles of Expressing Conflict
,.. Characteristics of an Assertive Message
,.. Gender and Conflict Style
T
Cultural Influences on Conflict
T
Conflict in Online Communication
Managing Interpersonal Conflicts 234
T
Methods for Conflict Resolution
T
Steps in Win-Win Problem Solving
Describe the role of
communication climate and
relational spirals in interpersonal
relationships, and practice
communication strategies for
keeping relationships healthy.
Identify characteristics of
nonassertive, indirect,
passive-aggressive, directly
aggressive, and assertive
communication, and explain
how conflict approaches vary.
Explain the differences
among win-lose, lose-lose,
compromising, and win-win
approaches to conflict resolution,
and apply the steps involved in
achieving win-win solutions.
213
IT WAS A MAGIC MOMENT-a couple who met as lifeguards 25
years before, now happily married with children, sharing a nostalgic
swim in a beautiful lake. As the couple paused to tread water, “our
eyes met,” remembers the wife. “I let my sentiments roam freely,
tenderly telling Steve, ‘I’m so glad we decided to do this together.”‘
Consider the relevance
of relational climate and
conflict to your own life:
She luxuriated in the moment, expecting “an equally gushing
response.” Instead, Steve said, “Yeah. Water’s good,” and starting
paddling again.1
As quickly and unexpectedly as that, the seeds of conflict can
emerge. It’s no one’s fault, necessarily. Goals and expectations differ.
@
Is the emotional tone of your
most important relationships
warm and welcoming,
stagnant, or chilly and
unsatisfying? How so?
When they do, hurt feelings and frustration can quickly escalate into
resentment or arguments.
The woman sharing a nostalgic swim with her husband was
Brene Brown, a social work scholar and author of numerous books
about embracing one’s imperfections and daring to be vulnerable.
That doesn’t make her impervious to hurt feelings, of course. “Didn’t
@
Recall a recent verbal or nonverbal message that made
you feel good about yourself.
Now think of one that made
you feel frustrated or unappreciated. What was different
about these episodes?
he hear me?” she remembers thinking, as her husband swam away.
“My emotional reaction was embarrassment, with shame rising.” 2
You’ve probably found yourself at odds with someone who
is important to you. Conflict management is one of the biggest
challenges we face in close relationships-whether with romantic
partners, friends, coworkers, or family members.
This chapter will help you understand what kinds of communication create a supportive relational environment. It will also give you a
toolkit for managing disagreements effectively. You might discover a
0
What happened the last time
you openly disagreed with
someone? Was your relationship with that person better
or worse afterward?
new appreciation for conflict as a means to transform and strengthen
relationships.
Understanding Interpersonal Conflict
Understanding Interpersonal
Conflict
Hurt but not defeated, Brene Brown decided to try again when she and
her husband reached the opposite shore of the lake. “I flashed a smile in
hopes of softening him up and doubled down on my bid for connection,”
she recalls. She again looked him in the eyes, and this time said, “This is
so great. I love that we’re doing this. I feel so close to you.” Her husband
replied, “Yep. Good swim,” and swam away toward the original shore.
After being twice disappointed, Brene remembers thinking indignantly,
“This is total horseshit.”3
You might like to think that such an experience would never happen in
your relationships. But regardless of what we may wish for or dream about,
a conflict-free world just doesn’t exist. Even the best communicators, the
luckiest people, are bound to find themselves in situations in which their
needs don’t match the needs of others. Money, time, power, sex, humor,
and aesthetic taste, as well as a thousand other issues, arise and keep us
from living in a state of perpetual agreement.
Many people think that the existence of conflict means that there’s
little chance for happy relationships with others. Effective communicators know differently, however. They realize that although it’s impossible
to eliminate conflict, there are ways to manage it effectively. And those
effective communicators know the main point of this chapter-that
managing conflict skillfully can lead to healthier, stronger, and more satisfying
relationships.
Whatever form it may take, every interpersonal conflict involves an expressed
struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from one another in achieving their
goals. 4
A closer look at four parts of this definition helps illustrate the conditions that
give rise to interpersonal conflict:
1. Expressed struggle. Granted, there are times when we fume to ourselves
rather than expressing our frustration. You may be upset for months because
a friendly neighbor’s loud music keeps you from getting to sleep at night.
That’s most accurately described as internal conflict. Actual interpersonal
conflict requires that both parties know a disagreement exists, such as when
you let the neighbor know that you don’t appreciate the decibel level. You
might say this in words. Or you might use nonverbal cues, as in giving the
neighbor a mean look, avoiding him, or slamming your windows shut. One
way or another, once both parties know that a problem exists, it’s an interpersonal conflict. In Brem~ Brown’s swimming story, the conflict has yet to
be expressed, but it will be.
2. Interdependence. However antagonistic they might feel toward each other,
the parties in a conflict are usually dependent on each other. The welfare
and satisfaction of one depend on the actions of another. After all, if they
didn’t need each other to solve the problem, they could solve it themselves
or go their separate ways. Although this seems obvious from a distance,
many people don’t realize it in the midst of a disagreement. One of the first
steps toward resolving a conflict is to take the attitude that “we’re in this
together.”
No matter how satisfying your
relationships, some degree of conflict is
inevitable.
When do you find yourself most at odds
with the people who matter most? How
do you handle conflicts when they arise?
conflict An expressed struggle
between at least two interdependent
parties who perceive incompatible goals,
scarce rewards, and interference from
the other party in achieving their goals.
CHAPTER 8 Managing Conflict in Interpersonal Relationships
~ ASK YOURSELF
Think of a time in
which you and a relational partner experienced conflict. What
goals and resources
were involved? Were
you able to express
your feelings to each
other and reach a
mutually satisfying
conclusion? Why or
why not?
3. Perceived incompatible goals. Conflicts often look as if one party’s
gain will be another’s loss. If your neighbor turns down his loud music,
he loses the enjoyment of hearing it the way he wants, but if he keeps the
volume up, then you’re still awake and unhappy. It helps to realize that
goals often are not as oppositional as they seem. Solutions may exist that
allow both parties to get what they want. For instance, you could achieve
peace and quiet by closing your windows and getting the neighbor to do
the same. You might use earplugs. Or perhaps the neighbor could get a
set of headphones and listen to the music at full volume without bothering anyone. If any of these solutions proves workable, then the conflict
disappears.
Unfortunately, people often fail to see mutually satisfying answers to
their problems. And as long as they perceive their goals to be mutually
exclusive, they may create a self-fulfilling prophecy in which the conflict
is very real.
4. Perceived scarce resources. In a conflict, people often believe that there
isn’t enough of the desired resource to go around. That’s one reason conflict
so often involves money.
If a person asks for a pay raise and the boss would rather keep the money or
use it to expand the business, then the two parties are in conflict.
Time is another scarce commodity. As authors, we constantly struggle
about how to use the limited time we have to spend. Should we work on
this book? Visit with our partners? Spend time with our kids? Enjoy the
luxury of being alone? With only 24 hours in a day, we’re bound to end up
in conflicts with our families, editors, students, and friends-all of whom
want more of our time than we have available to give. You probably know
the feeling well.
Having laid out the ingredients for conflict and acknowledged that it’s a fact of
life, let’s turn our attention to ways that we can manage conflict effectively and
even use it to strength our relationships. Creating a healthy relational climate is
a good first step.
Communication Climates in
Interpersonal Relationships
As Brene and Steve swam back across the lake, she envisioned the day unfolding
in a pattern they had enacted many times before when they were frustrated with
each other. She predicted that Steve would say, “What’s for breakfast, babe?” and
she would roll her eyes and say: “Gee, Steve. I forgot how vacation works. I forgot
that I’m in charge of breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. And laundry. And packing and goggles. And … “5
communication climate The
emotional tone of a relationship as it
is expressed in the messages that the
partners send and receive.
You get the point. Every relationship has a communication climate-an emotional
tone. It’s a lot like the weather. Some communication climates are fair and warm,
whereas others are stormy and cold. Some are polluted and others healthy. Some
relationships have stable climates, whereas others change dramatically-calm one
moment and turbulent the next. Although the sun was shining, Brene predicted that
a metaphorical dark cloud was brewing for her and her husband.
A communication climate doesn’t involve specific activities as much as the
way people feel about one another as they carry out those activities. Consider two
communication classes, for example. Both meet for the same length of time and
Communication Climates in Interpersonal Relationships
SELF-ASSESSMENT
How Sunny Is Your Communication Climate?
Think of an important person in your life-perhaps a friend, a roommate, a family member, or a romantic partner.
Choose the option in each group in the following list that best describes how you communicate with each other, then
see what your answers suggest about your relational climate.
1. When I am upset about something, my relational partner is most likely to:
a. ignore how I feel
b. say I should have tried harder to fix or avoid the problem
c. listen to me and provide emotional support
2. When we are planning a weekend activity and I want to do something my partner doesn’t want to do, I tend to:
a. suggest another option we will both enjoy
b. beg until I get my way
c. cancel our plans and engage in the activity with someone else
3. When my partner and I disagree about a controversial subject, we usually:
a. accuse the other person of using poor judgment or ignoring the facts
b. ask questions and listen to the other person’s viewpoint
c. avoid the subject
4. If I didn’t hear from my partner for a while, I would probably:
a. call or text to make sure everything was okay
b. not notice
c. feel angry about being ignored
5. The statement we are most likely to make during a typical conversation sounds something like this:
a. “Were you saying something?”
b. “I appreciate the way you …”
c. “You always forget to …”
Evaluating Your Responses
Circle your answers to this self-assessment on the grid below. (Note that they do not appear in alphabetical order.) Then
read the forecast on the row where most of your answers appear.
Grouping 1
Relationship Forecast
C
a
b
a
b
Indications are that your relational climate is
warm and sunny, with a high probability of
descriptive and supportive communication.
b
b
a
C
C
Your relationship tends to be turbulent,
with frequent outbreaks of controlling
or defensive behavior. Storm warning:
Escalatory conflict spirals can cause serious
damage.
a
C
C
b
a
Beware of falling temperatures. It’s natural
for people to drift apart to some degree,
but your relationship shows signs of chilly
indifference and neutrality.
CHAPTER 8 Managing Conflict in Interpersonal Relationships
follow the same syllabus. It’s easy to imagine how one of these classes might be a
friendly, comfortable place to learn, whereas the other might be cold and tenseeven hostile. The same principle holds for families, coworkers, and other relationships. Communication climates are a function more of the way people feel about
one another than of the tasks they perform.
Communication climate influences how people respond when conflict emerges
in a relationship. As you will see in the following section, some relationships involve
trust and respect, whereas others are steeped in criticism and defensiveness.
Confirming and Disconfirming Messages
What makes some climates positive and others negative? A short but accurate
answer is that the communication climate is determined by the degree to which
people see themselves as valued. When we believe others view us as important, we
are likely to feel good about our relationships with them. By contrast, the relational
climate suffers when we think others don’t appreciate or care about us.
As you read in Chapter 7, every message has relational dimensions. This means
that, whether or not we are aware of the fact, we send and receive confirming and
disconfirming messages virtually whenever we communicate. In other words, it
isn’t what we communicate about that shapes a relational climate so much as how
we speak and act toward one another.
confirming messages Actions and
words that express respect and show
that we value the other person.
Messages that show you are valued are called confirming. 6
Brem~ was trying to engage Steve in a confirming exchange when she told him she
was glad to be there with him. She remembers how she felt when she didn’t receive
the validation she had expected in return:
Confirming Messages
“I thought What’s going on? I don’t know ifl’m supposed to feel humiliated
or hostile. I wanted to cry and I wanted to scream. “7
When we feel hurt, it may be difficult to articulate exactly what we want. And when
we’re in Steve’s shoes, we may be at a loss for how to respond. We can learn some
valuable tools from scholars, who have identified three main categories of confirming communication. 8 Here are those categories, in order from the most basic to the
most powerful.
1. Show recognition. The most fundamental act of confirmation is to recognize the other person. Recognition seems easy and obvious, and yet there
are many times when we don’t respond to others on this basic level. Brem~
remembers that when Steve tossed off his “Yep. Good swim” response, “he
seemed to be looking through me rather than at me.” 9
Your friends may feel a similar sense of being invisible or ignored if you
don’t return phone messages or if you avoid eye contact with them or fail to
say hi when you encounter each other at a party or on the street. Of course,
this lack of recognition may simply be an oversight. You might not notice
your friend, or the pressures of work and school might prevent you from
staying in touch. Nonetheless, if the other person perceives you as avoiding
contact, the message has the effect of being disconfirming.
2. Acknowledge the person’s thoughts and feelings. Acknowledging the
ideas and emotions of others is an even stronger form of confirmation than
simply recognizing them. Listening is probably the most common form of
acknowledgment. Of course, as we discussed in Chapter 5, pretending to
listen when you are actually thinking about something else or gathering
ammunition for a rebuttal has the opposite effect of acknowledgment. It’s
Communication Climates in Interpersonal Relationships
more confirming to ask questions, paraphrase, and reflect on what people
are sharing with you. Not surprisingly, leaders who are supportive of others
and their ideas are more successful than leaders who are more concerned
with promoting their own image and ideas. 10
3. Show that you agree. Whereas acknowledgment means you are interested
in other people’s ideas, endorsement means that you agree with them. It’s
easy to see why endorsement is the strongest type of confirming message: It
communicates that we have a lot in common and that we are in sync. Not
surprisingly, we tend to be attracted to people who agree with us.11 Fortunately, it isn’t necessary to agree completely with another person in order to
endorse her or his message. You can probably find something in the message that you endorse. “I can see why you were so angry,” you might say to a
friend, even if you don’t approve of his or her outburst. Of course, outright
praise is a strong form of endorsement and one you can use surprisingly
often if you look for opportunities to compliment others.
It’s hard to overstate the importance of confirming messages. For example,
people who offer confirmation generously are usually considered to be more
appealing candidates for marriage than their less appreciative peers. 12 This preference is well founded. One of the most accurate ways to predict whether a marriage
will last is to consider how positive a couple’s communication is while they are
dating. 13 This applies to both spoken words such as “thank you” and “I love you”
and to nonverbal cues such as smiles and signs of affection. 14
Positive, confirming messages are just as important in other relationships. For
example, family members are most satisfied when they regularly encourage each
other, joke around, and share news about their day. 15 And in the classroom, motivation and learning increase when teachers demonstrate a genuine interest and
concern for students. 16
Of course, confirming messages are only credible if the person delivering
them seems sincere. 17 If a parent or teacher says, “You are incredibly smart” with a
frustrated look on her face, it may be received as veiled criticism (“So why are you
acting this way?”) rather than a compliment.
Disconfirming Messages In contrast to confirming communication, disconfirming messages deny the value of other people. 18 Disagreement can be disconfirming,
especially if it goes beyond disputing the other person’s ideas and attacks the speaker
personally. However, disagreement is not the most damaging kind of disconfirmation. Personal attacks such as “You’re crazy” are even tougher to hear.
Source: Ted Goff, North America Syndicate, 1994
disconfirming messages Words and
actions that express a lack of caring or
respect for another person.
CHAPTER 8 Managing Conflict in Interpersonal Relationships
UNDERSTANDING COMMUNICATION TECHNOLOGY
Can You Hear Me Now?
Thanks to technology, people have never been more
connected-or more alienated.
I have traveled 36 hours to a conference on robotic technology in central Japan. The grand ballroom is Wi-Fi enabled,
and the speaker is using the Web for his presentation. La